Benson & Benson
by pigwiz
Summary: Look! Brown shoes! Well, the left one anyway...
1. The Call

Benson & Benson

Chapter 1: The Call

* * *

Freddie Benson: Sitting in his old squeaky oak chair, behind his old stain covered oak desk, contemplating once again how the ink stain had gotten smack dab in the middle of the desk. The stain was big and dark… 'India ink for sure… well maybe. Who knows?' He thought while staring at the stain for the zillionth time.

He liked the desk none the less. He liked all the 'old stuff' in his office. The old oak file cabinets, the oak hat rack… even the old nickel and black bakelite candle stick phone that took him forever to interface into his cell phone, but now worked as long as he was in the room.

He grinned as he remembered opening his birthday gift from Sam and finding it inside. They had been antiquing a few weeks before when he'd seen it, and mentioned how great it would look in his office. Sam had only smirked at him and said something about '…more old junk…' Then obviously gone back and bought it for him.

He reminisced for a moment or two longer before he endorsed the three checks sitting on top of the ancient stain on his desk. As he signed his name and then stamped the back of the checks for deposit he grinned again; this time musing over how profitable three cheating spouses of millionaires had been. Barely three weeks work earned him a pile of money for catching two cheating husbands and a wife. Not a bad business, being a private investigator.

He took an envelope from his lower left desk drawer, put the checks in it, sealed it and stood while putting the envelope in his inside sport coat jacket. Grabbing his keys and cell phone from the middle desk drawer, he stuffed them into his Levi's pockets and strode out of his office and down the hallway. Stopping in front of the ancient elevator, he pressed the down button and waited.

Soon, the elevator came trundling up, stopped and the doors opened to Gus, the operator. They smiled at each other as Freddie entered the cabin.

"So, ya gota hot case Mr. Benson?" Gus asked as he moved the handle to the down position.

"No, just knocking off early, Gus… I was thinking of a ball game. Aren't the Mariners playing today?" Freddie said.

"Yep, double header with the White Sox. Great day for a game, eh?" Gus replied as the elevator stopped at the first floor.

Freddie nodded in agreement, stepped out of the elevator cab and made his way across the foyer, then out to the side walk. He walked the couple blocks to his bank, made his deposit and found himself back out on the sidewalk in front of his bank when his phone rang. Flipping it open, he answered:

"Benson and Benson, Investigations…"

"_You know, you really need to change the way you answer. It's not Benson and Benson anymore, unless you've taken your mother on as a partner now…" _Sam replied.

"Sam! How are you? It's been a while, and yeah, I know… but we're not final for another ten days… so I guess… I don't know. What's up?" Freddie said.

"_Well, I have been gone for eighteen months, Freddie. Deal, will ya? And I have a favor to ask…"_

"Same ole' Sam, yell at me then ask a favor. What is it?"

"_It's my fiancé… he's taking the train up there to do some business, can you pick him up at the station tomorrow afternoon?"_

"Fiancé? How the hell do you have a fiancé? We're not even divorced yet? And why would you think I want to pick this guy up? He's taking the train from LA to Seattle? What the hell, Sam?"

"_C'mon Freddie, we're divorced! Or nearly anyway. We aren't getting married for another six months… So can you pick him up?"_

"Jeez… can't you have someone else get this loser? I mean really, Sam… You call me to pick up this guy?"

"_Freddie… you know I can't call Carl's… or my sister for that matter… and who knows where mom is."_

"Yeah, you can't call them… you can't call them because they're still pissed at you for leaving me!"

"_Look, we've been over this before and I don't want to get into a yelling match, but you know we weren't working… it was best that I left. So, will you pick him up or not?"_

"…Know we weren't working? Sam, I didn't know we weren't working! You clammed up for a month then take off to Los Angeles! And then you served me with divorce papers three weeks later. Weren't working… what a load of crap! That's exactly why no one will speak to you. You just walked out! I'm still not sure why!"

"…_Gods, not this again… you know why, I told you. I wanted a house, kids… all that stuff. All we did was chase around spying on cheating spouses, eating in diners and living in an apartment. We **have** had this conversation before."_

"Yeah, we did have this exact conversation before… except it was two months after you left! What the hell Sam? We had decided to do the 'space' thing and then hopefully get back together. Now you've got a fiancé and you want me to pick the guy up? What kind of crap is this? Why can't the guy get a cab like normal people?"

"_Look… just do me this favor, okay? Just pick him up at the King Street Station at four ten tomorrow afternoon and then drop him off at the Kings Inn by the Needle, okay?"_

"The Kings Inn? That place is about as… This guy is into cheap motels?"

"_Freddie, will you please just pick him up and take him to the motel? Just do this one favor and I'll never bother you again… Please?"_

"Alright… fine… What's the big spender's name?"

"_His name is Abner Loquat…"_

"ABNER LOQUAT! This is a joke right? You're just around the corner from me, huh… you're laughing your ass off right now, aren't you."

"_Freddie, his name is Abner Loquat. Just… just pick him up for me please. I'm flying up next month, alright? Just… just…"_

"Alright! I said I would… I wouldn't miss meeting Mr. Fruit Tree for nothing. Anything else I need to do for this guy? Make sure he's in bed by eight?"

"_Thanks Freddie…" _She hung up.

* * *

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	2. Abner

Benson & Benson

Chapter 2: Abner

* * *

Freddie checked his watch as the train was slowing to a stop; 4:08… well at least the train was on time… He still wasn't sure why he was doing this, he would… but more out of curiosity than anything else.

He was still pretty ticked off about the whole thing.

He hadn't talked to Carly about this. He knew what she would have said since she was still upset with Sam about the whole abandonment and divorce thing. It was funny though; he'd called his soon to be ex sister in law, Mel, and told her about Sam's call and odd request. She had told him to forget it, let the jerk fend for himself. That very thing was, in fact, what he had decided to do… but, here he was, waiting.

Curiosity…

The train was stopped. A Conductor opened the access door while baggage loaders opened the compartments and began removing suitcases and parcels. The conductor stepped off the train and onto the platform while speaking into a walkie talkie. The passengers began to disembark the train as well. Freddie had no idea what Abner Loquat looked like, and hadn't thought to bring a sign with Abner's name on it. So, he just watched the passengers, waiting for a single fellow to step off. A tall, well built guy stepped off and began looking around.

"…must be him…" Freddie thought.

"Freddie walked up to the guy; "Abner? Abner Loquat?" Freddie asked.

The fellow looked at him for a moment, and then shook his head while walking away.

Freddie shrugged his shoulders and waited. Soon, another rather stout man stepped off. Freddie asked the same question, and got the same response… not Abner.

Freddie was about to give up when he noticed a small, disheveled fellow dressed in an ill fitting, worn, seersucker suit standing at the edge of the exit yelling at the Conductor.

"Hey you! You there! Get the step, Get the step and put it right there! I don't want to maybe break my ankle getting off this thing!" The fellow was yelling, franticly pointing to the platform.

The Conductor rolled his eyes, reached into a storage compartment, removed a portable step and placed it on the platform in front of the trains exit. Mr. Seersucker suit gathered up five or six paper and plastic grocery bags and gingerly stepped off the train, onto the step, then onto the platform.

"This couldn't be…" Freddie thought, then said out loud; "Abner?"

"That's the name, don't wear it out… are you Benson, my ride?"

Freddie was taken aback, but managed to nod, yes. Abner walked over and put some of the grocery bags at Freddie's feet.

"What's this?" Freddie asked.

"Why, it's my luggage, of course!" Abner replied.

"Ah… no suitcases, no baggage?" Freddie asked, perplexed.

"Suitcases cost money! The grocery stores give these away for nothing! You must be some kind of free spender, eh? Tossing money around like it grows on trees?" Abner retorted.

Freddie stood, looking down at the collection of brown paper and white plastic bags with various grocery logos.

"So, you're too good to help me out with my luggage?" Abner snapped.

Freddie was stunned by this guy's attitude, but managed to pick up a couple of paper bags before looking Abner up and down. Abner needed a shave, and from the looks of his hair, a bath.

"C'mon… my car is in the lot" Freddie said, still rather dazed.

"What, a car? Busses are beneath you? I should have known you'd be like this. No wonder Samantha is the way she is." Abner sneered.

Freddie was close to dropping the 'luggage' and telling the idiot to take a hike… but he didn't. He turned and motioned with his head for Abner to follow him.

Freddie opened the back car door and put the 'luggage' on the seat. Abner followed suit, and then got into the passenger seat. Freddie slid behind the steering wheel and put on his seat belt. He glanced over at Abner for a moment, deciding if he really wanted to have a conversation with this fool or not… curiosity won out.

"So Abner, what do you do?" Freddie asked while starting the car.

"Regional Sales Manager…" Abner replied as he was fishing around in his coat pocket. He soon produced a business card, which he held out for Freddie. Freddie took the card and noticed it was dog eared and stained. The card read:

Abner N. Loquat

Regional Sales Manager

Lil' Dandy Vacuum Cleaner Company, Inc.

Post Office Box 3215

Kansas City, Missouri

"So, do you need a good vacuum, Benson?" Abner asked.

"No… no I'm good there. I've got one that works fine, thanks." Freddie replied.

Abner snatched the card back out of Freddie's hand saying; "You don't need the card then, these cost money you know…"

Freddie was slightly surprised at the way Abner 'retrieved' his business card, but he was getting to the point of expecting Abner to act this way.

"So you're from Kansas City? How long have you been in LA?" Freddie asked as he pulled out of the parking space and headed toward the exit.

"…couple of years. Business isn't all that great there so I'm thinking of moving the entire operation up here to Seattle." Andy replied.

Freddie had pulled up next to the parking kiosk and gave the attendant his parking chit. The attendant looked at it and said "Seven Dollars please…"

Freddie looked over at Abner, expecting him to pay… Abner was busy looking out the side window, ignoring everything. Freddie sighed, pulled out his wallet and paid the attendant.

They drove on in silence for a bit until Abner noticed a 'Sub, Soup and Salad' restaurant sign a block ahead.

"Hey! Benson, pull over there. I didn't know they had the soup and salad places up here too! It must be a big chain… I'm hungry, let's stop." Abner said.

Freddie pulled into the parking lot… Abner got out, but then opened the rear door and rummaged around in his 'luggage' for a moment. He drug out a plastic grocery bag that advertised 'Vons', closed the door and walked into the restaurant. Freddie had eaten in this place before… it was okay, but not great. The sandwiches were small, the soup tasted canned and the salad bar never looked appetizing. The 'Sub, Soup and Salad' chain was kind of a cross between McDonald's and a Denney's. You ordered at the counter and sat in uncomfortable booths or at equally uncomfortable tables.

Abner grabbed a table, forgoing the normal of ordering your meal and waiting for your number to be called. Freddie's curiosity was piqued once again, and decided to just go along and see what happened. He wasn't hungry anyway... Abner rummaged around in the plastic bag until he pulled out a jar of peanut butter, a few loose saltines and a plastic knife. Reaching back into the bag, he pulled out a stack of various restaurant cups and set them on the table. He began sorting through the cups until he found a 'Sub, Soup and Salad' cup, put the rest of the cups back in the bag and took his cup over to the soda fountain and filled it. Sitting back down he opened the jar of peanut butter and began spreading it on a few crackers… Freddie was enthralled at the sheer audacity of this guy. This bozo obviously knew more about getting by on near nothing than he'd ever imagined… of course it was at the expense of everyone on the planet, but still…

"You've got quite a collection of cups there, Abner…" Freddie remarked.

"Oh yeah, these big chain outfits… they all have the same cup, so it's easy. All you have to do is save the cup." Abner answered while munching on a cracker and spreading peanut butter on another.

Freddie nodded.

"So… Abner, you're moving the entire Southern California operation up here… how many employees?" Freddie asked.

"Yep, the whole thing… Samantha said she was from here, and I've never been, so it seems like a good area." Abner replied, still munching crackers.

Freddie nodded again.

"…and how many employees were there?" Freddie pressed.

"Oh, it's just me. I'm it, the only one. I already had my samples shipped to the motel, so I'm good to go." Abner said around a mouth full of peanut butter and saltine.

"Okay, but your card says…" Freddie began.

"Yep, I am the Regional Manager; I've got all the territory west of the Mississippi." Abner cut in.

"So… you sell your vacuums door to door?" Freddie asked, suppressing a grin.

"Well sure! Best office ever, the street! And it's free!" Abner said glowingly.

Freddie cringed… what the hell could Sam see in this old guy?

"So Benson, lemme ask you a question about Samantha… you were married to her, so you would know. Now then, we are getting hitched as you know, but I'll be switched if she knows the value of a dollar… Here's a good example, as a forward to my question. Now then, we are getting married, so she wants a ring. Well you already got her a ring when you married her… it's a nice one too, I've seen it. What's wrong with that ring? Why can't she just wear it instead of wanting me to get her another one? I mean how many rings does a gal need anyway? What do you think, Benson?"

Freddie was stunned, again. This was just about… he had no idea what kind of answer to give this moron… so, he just said; "You know, it's getting late and I have a few things to do yet… we should go…"

Abner nodded his head and then proceeded to put the cup back in the bag. After a bit he licked the plastic knife clean and tossed it in the bag also. Freddie got up and began walking toward the door, but stopped when he noticed Abner over at the salad bar dumping a bowl full of saltine crackers into his grocery bag, and grabbing a carrot.

The remainder of the trip to Abner's motel was in complete silence. Baffled silence on Freddie's part. Freddie dropped Abner off at the motel office. After Abner had collected his 'luggage', he turned back to Freddie, reached into his pocket and put two quarters on the passenger seat;

"There ya go Benson, I want to pay for the use of your car, so… there ya go."

Abner turned and disappeared into the motel office… Freddie's gaze went from the closed office door, to the fifty cents lying on his passenger seat.

* * *

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	3. Melanie, Carly and collateral damage

Benson & Benson

Chapter 3: Melanie, Carly and collateral damage

* * *

The next few days were routine for Freddie; nothing really out of the ordinary. He did wonder a lot about this Abner guy… wondering what the heck Sam could see in him… he couldn't come up with a thing, personally. He _was_ quite pleased with himself for not giving Abner his contact information.

It was now early Saturday evening, and Freddie had barbequed a steak, roasted a potato and corn on the cob to go with it. He'd eaten, cleaned up, done the dishes and was now flipping through television channels trying to find something worth watching.

That's when his front door nearly came off the hinges… someone was knocking, actually pounding was more like it. Startled out of his reverie, he jumped up and nearly ran to the door. Opening it revealed a very pissed off looking Sa… nope, it was Melanie.

"That son of a bitch!" Melanie growled as she invited herself in.

"Oh, you've met Abner…" Freddie replied grinning just a tiny bit.

The relationship Freddie and Melanie had was an odd one… everyone, including his soon to be ex wife thought Melanie had stepped into her sisters shoes when Sam had bailed on Freddie. It wasn't that way at all. They had pretty much been tossed together by a common fate: Melanie's long term live in boyfriend had taken off with some other woman exactly one week after Sam had left. They _did_ go to movies, out to eat and hang out together quite frequently… but not '_like that_'. They were friends, but '_not_' with benefits. They were more like the sibling of the opposite sex that neither had ever had.

There had been one incident during a night of 'pity partying' that involved heavy drinking. They had both passed out on the couch in Freddie's front room, and awoke in each others arms… They were both pretty disgusted with it, and told each other just how really bad that would be… they were friends, and that's all.

"Oh yeah… I met that fucker. What a dick! I need a drink…" Mel retorted as she walked past Freddie and into the kitchen. She knew where everything was since she had pretty much help arrange everything in the house. He'd purchased it after Sam had left, Sam had never seen it, and in fact Sam probably didn't even know he had bought it.

Mel opened the cabinet above the oven and grabbed a bottle of Kessler's whiskey along with two shot glasses. Sitting down at the kitchen table, she proceeded to pour both shot glasses full, and downed them both. Refilling them, she slid one over to Freddie, who by this time had joined her at the table.

"Listen to this shit…" Melanie started before knocking back another shot and refilling her glass.

"…I get a call yesterday evening, its Abner saying he would like to meet me since… well, you know, getting married and all. So sure, I guess I should meet the guy… just out of curiosity I guess… so he invites me out to dinner at the Metropolitan Grill. It's so pricey... I'd never been there, so sure! I thought..."

Freddie took a sip of his whiskey while Mel downed another shot, and refilled it.

"…so eight o'clock tonight, I'm there, dressed to the nines as you can see… he shows up in some old ratty seersucker suit that looked like he had slept in it… fuck, I should have left right then… but no, I stayed… we both had steak and lobster, all the trimmings and a bottle of good wine. He hardly said a word throughout the entire evening. I'd ask a question, he'd shrug and continue to stuff his face. Sometimes he would ask about you, but I didn't tell the ass a friggin thing. After about an hour of this, I excused myself and went to freshen up… I get back and there is a note written on a napkin saying 'thanks for supper', and he's gone. Then the waiter brings the bill! That bastard had ordered four more bottles of wine and left with them. The bill was nearly four hundred frikken dollars! I'm just lucky I had enough sense to put my credit card in my clutch! The fucker just up and left while I was in the ladies room! Can you believe this shit?"

Freddie was nearly in a trance… mesmerized. Sam could, and did talk like a sailor on occasion... normally Melanie turned beat red if she said 'darn'. Here Mel was, ranting in a way that would make truckers blush and retired Chief Petty Officers grin. Freddie shook his head, then told her about his experience picking good ole' Abner up at the train station, and the adventures after… including his big fifty cent tip.

By this time Melanie was pretty toasted. She had drunk somewhere around eight or nine straight shots of whiskey over the course of a half hour… Freddie hadn't finished his first. Most of Mel's drinking was normally done at Freddie's house for a reason… and sure enough, within a few more minutes she had looked at him with a goofy grin, and passed out. Freddie shook his head, smiled a bit, got up and made sure she wouldn't fall off the chair, and then went to one of the downstairs bedrooms and pulled down the bedcovers. Freddie's house was a Craftsman Bungalow circa 1919. It had been the blocks derelict when he purchased it, but he had done months of research beforehand, and knew what needed repairing and restoring to put the house back to its original glory. The home had been designed and built for a Doctor originally… one of the major reasons he had fallen in love with the place. Downstairs were two small bedrooms, a living room, dining room, bathroom and kitchen, and the original doctor's private office. Upstairs were two larger bedrooms and two bathrooms. A large porch stretched across the entire front and one side. The larger of the two downstairs bedrooms was Mel's when she… needed it.

He returned to the kitchen, picked her up and carted her across the front room, back into her bedroom and deposited her gently on the bed. He had a regular routine, since she usually stopped by doing this very thing when she'd had a bad date or bad day or… felt like getting hammered. Freddie flipped off her shoes, and then gently rolled her over… he unzipped the zipper on her dress. Rolling her back over onto her back, he put his forearm under her knees and lifted her up slightly… just enough to get the dress above her hips and rump. He then gently sat her up and pulled the dress off. The next part of the 'Melanie routine' still bothered him a bit, but Mel did have a point. The first time she had gotten blasted at his house, he had carried her into this room, pulled off her shoes and tucked her into bed fully clothed. The next morning, after she got up, she had a bit to eat and was sitting at the kitchen table while Freddie did dishes when she told him '…look Freddie, this is going to sound really strange, but… I hate sleeping in my clothes, and I can _never_ get any decent rest with my bra on, so the next time this happens, just undress me.'

Freddie had balked at this, and told her so, she was adamant, and explained; '…if you stand Sam and I next to each other, naked, there is only one tiny difference. I have a mole on the right side of my right boob; she has a mole on the same side of her left. That's it… once you've seen Sam undressed, you've seen me…'

The argument had gone on for a while longer before Freddie caved, and agreed. So, how he handled this tricky part was to pull an oversized tee shirt over her head and shoulders, letting it fall the full length. He then reaches up into the shirt to unclasp the bra and pulls it off her arms. After all that he fishes her arms into the sleeves and tucked her in. Yes, he has gotten a couple of flashes at times, but not normally. She had never asked how he managed this, and he'd never offered to tell her.

After all this, he resumed flipping through channels on his television until he went upstairs, to bed.

The next morning, he rose early, as he was accustomed to. He checked on Mel, made coffee, and escaped into his office. He went over some paperwork and then began typing up some reports for cases he was working on. About once an hour, he'd take a short break, check on Mel, get more coffee and then go back to work.

By the time he was finished, it was nearly two in the afternoon and he was starving. On his way to the kitchen, he peeked in Melanie's room again, and heard her soft snoring. He didn't think she would be up to anything other than toast when she woke up, but he wanted something different. Checking his pantry, he decided on a can of Dennison's Chili… the bachelor's standby. He opened the can, dumped the chili into a bowl, and put it in the microwave. While it was heating, he stepped out to the porch and picked up the Sunday paper. Just as he returned to the kitchen, the microwave dinged. Luncheon was served…

About half way through his chili, and most of the way through an article on Penguin Lust, his doorbell rang. He dropped the spoon and the paper in that order, and quietly rushed to the door. The doorbell rang again. He swung open the door saying in a near whisper; "SHHH… Mel's sleeping off a hangover…"

Carly looked stunned, Bruce, her husband, raised his eyebrows.

"I knew you two had something going on! I just knew it! You two have been sneaking around for some time… and I just knew it! How could you Freddie… with Sam's twin sister!"

Freddie leaned against the door and shook his head. "C'mere, look…" he said while taking her arm and leading her to Mel's room. He opened the door and showed her Melanie, still in bed, still asleep, and still snoring quietly.

"She stays downstairs… I stay upstairs…" he whispered after silently closing the door.

Leading them both back out on the front porch, he invited them to have a seat.

"Look Carly, I _do not _have anything going on with her… you know as well as I do that Bernie ran off with some other gal about the time that Sam left. We get together and chat, and sometimes drink. We've never done anything else… so just cut the crap, okay?" Freddie said emphatically before adding; "Oh, and hello Bruce…"

"Oh…" Carly said round-eyed, Bruce shrugged.

"Good, so can we just get past this misunderstanding, please?" Freddie pleaded.

"I… Freddie, I've… I need to tell…" Carly began

"What she's trying to say is we've met the _wonderful_ Abner." Bruce said with a hard look at Carly.

"Yes… we… we met him this morning… for breakfast… and… and what an ass he is!" Carly continued looking more at Bruce than at Freddie.

Freddie chuckled. "Well, that's an understatement…" He replied.

Carly and Bruce both nodded their agreement. Carly began to say something else, when the front door opened. Melanie stepped gingerly over to another chair, grinning sheepishly.

"Hey… morning…" Melanie mumbled while slowly sitting down next to Bruce.

"That would be afternoon sister sunshine… so, coffee, toast and some V-8 juice sound good?" Freddie asked.

"Yeah, thanks… I really tied one on last night, didn't I..." Melanie said nodding.

Freddie chuckled again while getting up and heading into the house to fix his sister in law breakfast.

Carly looked at Bruce for a moment, getting his attention. "Go help Freddie, dear." She said while nodding toward Melanie.

"Right… I need to help. I'll be back in a bit." Bruce said while getting up and following Freddie.

Melanie, dressed in what were obviously Freddie's sweats, sat rubbing her temples.

"So, Mel… you and Freddie…" Carly started.

"Carly! Not this again. I've told you before, no… not now, not then, not ever. Look… I come over here because the man is a gentleman. I don't have to worry about… that. Okay? We're not like that. Most of the time we just go out to dinner or a movie or something… that is it! We are not screwing each other! He's not anything I'm interested in, and I'm not my sister… who he happens to still love. Will you just kindly get this through your head! We're friends… and for a little while yet, he's my brother in law. And that is it. Alright? Get it?" Melanie ranted.

"Yeah, I get it Mel… look, I'm sorry alright? I mean, it just looks…"

"GAAAA!" Melanie yelled as she stood up and went back inside.

Carly watched her retreating form, and was pretty sure she had made one the biggest mistakes she had ever made, and wondering how she could even begin to fix it.

* * *

_WHOA!_

_Where am I going with this?_

_Neck brace, anyone?_

* * *

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	4. What the hell have you done?

Benson & Benson

Chapter 4: What the hell have you done?

* * *

…ring ring… ring ring…

'_Hey! You've reached Sam. You know what to do and when to do it…'_

…BEEP…

"Hey Sam, Tom here. Okay, went to dinner with your sister last night and brunch with your friends Bruce and Carly this morning. Afterward I went by the address of the apartment, but either you have the address wrong or he's moved. The folks at that address say they've lived there for ten months. I'm not sure about this… what the hell have you done?"

…CLICK…

* * *

After a couple of moments, Carly left her chair on the front porch and entered the house. She heard a door click shut off to her right as she crossed the front room and entered the kitchen.

"Want some toast?" Freddie asked turning toward her.

Carly looked past Freddie, to Bruce standing on the other side of the kitchen table. Bruce raised his eyebrows and mouthed 'lets go' silently to her.

Where's Mel?" Carly asked, returning her gaze to Freddie.

"Back in bed… sour stomach, headache… she's going to nap for a while… toast?"

"No thanks. We really need to go. We'll have to catch up later… soon, okay?"

Freddie nodded as Bruce walked past him, patting Freddie's shoulder as he passed. Freddie tossed the toast in the garbage pail just as he heard the front door close. He grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and went out to the back yard… he had some weeds to pull.

Halfway to the car, Carly pulled her keys out of her purse and announced "I'm driving".

Bruce opened the passenger door and got in just as Carly was adjusting the seat, rear view and seatbelt. She started the car and pulled away from the curb in silence. Bruce studied her expression for a moment, shook his head and turned to look out the windshield. At the first corner, she turned right… Bruce had expected this. If they were going to head home, she would have turned left.

"Carly, what the hell have you done?" Bruce asked.

* * *

Melanie couldn't sleep. She rolled off of her side and onto her back. The ceiling was still in the same place it had been the last time she looked at it. She thought about a number of things, but ended up thinking about her sister once again… why she had left, why she hadn't come back, why she had stopped calling her about a month after she _had_ left… and refused her calls now… nothing but unanswered questions, and a throbbing headache.

She needed more sleep. She rolled back onto her side, tucked the covers back around herself and thought; 'Sam, what the hell have you done?'

* * *

'…_what the hell have you done?' _ Sam sat in her recliner listening to Abner's message over and over. As if his final question would be miraculously answered by the repetition… this was a lost cause, and she knew it. She got up and walked over to the counter / divider between the kitchen and front room. She picked up a manila folder and opened it. She traced the printed wording at the top of the page with her finger:

Superior Court of California – County of Orange

Dissolution of Marriage: Case # OC-18-046831

The documents had been ready for signature for over a year. All it took now was to spend less than a cents worth of ink to invoke the courts ruling. He had refused to sign it for most of that time, and now that he had said he would, she was dragging her feet. She had told him she had mailed this to him weeks ago… She shook her head, thinking; 'Sam, what the hell have you done?'

* * *

Freddie was busily weeding the vegetable garden. The perennials he'd planted in beds along the fence and around the shade trees were in good shape. Kneeling over the beds, he was thinking… something wasn't right. First, this Abner guy… he knew what type of guys interested Sam; he _had_ been her main interest, but this guy… no way. Also, why did she just up and leave; no knock down drag out fight, their normal bickering, yeah, but nothing that indicated something like her leaving… it _did not_ make sense, even in Sam's strange reality. This was going to take some further looking into. He hadn't really ever looked into the whole 'thing' before, since she continued to say she might return… he had thought that she needed her space or whatever cliché term was used now for a place to think. But now… now it was time to figure out just what the hell she was up too, and why…

'Sam, what the hell have you done?' he thought.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, a short chapter… but it really needed to end there. Yep, the poop is about ready to hit the propeller! Stay tuned for next weeks mind numbing installment of… _Benson & Benson_!

* * *

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	5. Holy

Benson & Benson

Chapter 5: Holy…

Carly pulled into, and parked in the lot of the King's Inn. She noticed the door to room 116 was open, with a housekeeping cart beside it. Looking into the door, she inquired about the person who'd been staying here.

"Oh, he checked out about an hour ago." The maid replied.

Carly turned to her husband… "DAMN IT!" She said.

* * *

Freddie shut down his computer, wrote Melanie a note and rushed upstairs. Packing a few necessities, he tossed his bag on the bed, took a fast shower and dressed. Glancing at his watch while heading out the door, he saw he had about two hours to get to the airport, which was about half an hour away. He pulled out of his driveway and sped off in the direction of Sea-Tac.

* * *

Sam's cell phone was sitting on the kitchen table. She was leaning against the counter, staring at it. She knew she needed to make this call… well about three calls really… she was afraid. She was afraid that she was right… and terrified that she had been wrong.

* * *

Carly began to get into the drivers seat, when Bruce spoke up; "Nope. I'm driving… we're going back to Freddie's. It's long past time this mess you made got cleared up."

Carly nodded, and got in the car.

* * *

Sam worked up the courage to do it… she knew it had to be done and that these next few moments could change her life forever. She reached over to pick up the phone and noticed her hand was quivering. Flipping the phone open, she began to press in the number when the screen faded blank, then off… the phone needed charging.

* * *

Freddie got through the security check fairly quickly, since he only had a single bag. Walking toward his gate, he noticed a familiar person sitting by himself in the same gate area. He sat next to him, turned and said; "Hi Abner, Flying this time?"

Abner turned, smiled and said; "Hello Benson… yeah, the name is Tom. We're in the same line of work, you and I. We really need to talk."

* * *

Jim Sullivan lives two doors down from the Benson house. He and Freddie have met a few times, passed pleasantries or waved… Neither of them knows each other very well. Jim is a pretty normal guy… he's married with two young daughters, a dog and a mortgage. His life is pretty much the same week in and week out. One of his most enjoyable weekend chores is walking Heidi, their German Sheppard. This weekend was the same as any other; he harnessed Heidi up and was just passing the Benson house when he heard a shrill female voice scream:

"OH MY GOD… CARLY, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA?"

Jim stopped for a moment, looked at the house, shrugged his shoulders and continued on his walk with Heidi.

* * *

Freddie picked up a rental car at LAX, hooked up his GPS and drove out onto World Way to connect to Century Boulevard. Continuing east would get him on the San Diego Freeway, 405 South. The City of Orange and Sam were about an hour or so away. Talking to Tom for most of the last three hours had resulted in a cornucopia of feelings. At first he was seething mad… over the last hour or so he had just become numb. He glanced at his phone and saw a few missed calls… at this point, he really didn't care, he didn't feel like speaking with anyone, he switched the phone off.

* * *

Sam felt terrible. She had just gotten off the phone with her sister, for the third time, and knew what she was saying was the truth. Unfortunately, knowing the truth actually made this even worse… and it was hard for her to imagine the situation she was in being any worse than it already was. Mel had told her that Freddie had left on some trip, so she was good for the moment, but how was she going to explain all this… Freddie was going to be so hurt and mad.

Her doorbell rang, she drug herself up to answer the door, opened it, and stood face to face with the one person she did not expect to see…

"Freddie… I, I can explain…"

"Cut the crap, Sam. Where is he…"

"He's in the bedroom, come in… I'll go get him." Sam said shakily.

* * *

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	6. Lighters

Well! Here it is! The last chapter of B&B. This little bit of drivel accomplished what I wanted it to do... I'm back in the mood. Watch for a Cabal challenge shortly, it's going to be great! Also, you can follow the antics of The Cabal on twitter and tumblr, see the bottom of the page for more information. And now...

Benson & Benson

Lighters

Sam turned, and started walking down the hallway. Looking over her shoulder, she noticed he hadn't moved, he was still at the door. She stopped, turned back toward him, and with a nervous smile told him; "Look, just come in… sit down on the couch… I'll be right back, okay?"

He nodded and took the suggested seat on the couch. He heard the baby before he saw him… his son. Sam came out from the back of the apartment carrying the whimpering child, and sat next to her husband.

"He's cranky… he's teething and not sleeping well. Neither am I really…" Sam said while rocking the baby in her arms.

"What's his name?" Freddie asked while rubbing the child's back.

"Tim… I named him Tim, after…"

"…after my grandfather…" Freddie cut in; "…can I hold him?"

Sam smiled, and handed Tim to his father. The baby stopped crying. Sam shook her head, mumbling "…shoulda known…"

"Do you know how angry I am at you, Sam?" He said while continuing to watch the child.

"I've got a pretty good idea that I'm not your favorite person right now… yep." Sam replied.

Freddie nodded.

"He's sleeping, let's put him in his crib and we can… talk, I guess." Sam said quietly.

Freddie nodded again, and stood up. Sam stood as well and led them back to the bedroom. Freddie gently put the boy in his crib and followed Sam back out to the front room. They resumed their seats on the couch.

"Okay, let's talk… but no yelling, alright?" Sam said flatly.

"You stole the entire experience from me, Sam…"

"Yeah, I did. But before we head down this road, you realize why, don't you? We didn't have a home, nothing… yeah, we had an apartment that we kind of came back to when we both got so tired we couldn't stand dozing in the car while watching some stupid person cheat on their wife or husband… yeah, it paid the bills, but still… that is not the kind of life he deserves. And yeah, I know… I screwed up… big time. I shouldn't have left like that. And then I shouldn't have listened to Carly… I've had three sessions on the phone with my sister, two lasting an hour and the third just a bit less… I know. You two were not doing anything, I get it. I screwed up. And now I've taken something from you that you can never get back… and I'm sorry. We can sit here and torment each other for the next two days, but it still won't change a thing. I screwed up, and I'm willing to take the consequences. I do want you to know that I haven't even looked at anyone else while I've been down here. I mean, Tim keeps me running like a crazy woman… what else can I say?"

Sam stood up, walked to the kitchen counter, picked up a manila folder and pen and returned to sit back on the couch, handing Freddie the folder.

"There… there it is. Sign it and we're done. I'll even move back up to Seattle so you can spend all the time you want with Timmy… just… let's just get this over with, okay? No yelling, no hate, just… just sign the damn thing and let's move on…" Sam said.

Freddie opened the folder, glanced at the papers, then looked back to Sam; "So this is what you want? You want me to sign these?" He asked.

Sam nodded; "Isn't it what you want? Isn't that why you're here?" She asked.

Freddie looked back at the folder, and sighed. Turning to Sam, he said; "Up to about five hours ago, yeah… I figured there was an eighty percent chance I'd just come down here, find you, sign these and go home… then I met Tom at the airport. I managed a few well placed tips, changed seats, and sat next to him for the flight here. That's how I found out what was going on… yeah, I'm really pissed at you. Pissed that you'd leave, pissed that you would think so little of me… and your sister… Sam, I'm mad as hell. But…" He shook his head and handed her back the folder. "…if you want a divorce, fine. Sign these. I won't sign them unless you do first."

Sam took the folder, and stared at him. "Well, what then?" She asked.

"I figure I'm due a vacation. I think that since you're still transferring money from our bank account, that this vacation is bought and paid for… I'll stay here, sleep on the couch and hang out for a week or two. Then we can discuss these… papers." Freddie said pointing at the folder.

"Oh… ahh, okay. I guess I could use some help with the baby, and… and, you want to stay here? I mean, sure… okay." Sam stuttered.

"Well, that's it then. Got any extra bedding for me for tonight? I'm starved; want me to go get Chinese?" Freddie asked.

Sam stared at him for a moment; "…sure… Chinese, yeah. I've got an extra blanket and pillow."

"Okay… I saw a Chinese place while I was coming here, about a mile or so down the street… do you want the same thing you used to get?" He asked.

Sam stared at him in disbelief, then mumbled "…yeah, Kung Pow chicken, rice and pot stickers…"

Freddie nodded, and left. Returning to Sam's apartment about forty minutes later, he could hear her sobbing from outside. He quietly sat down on the tiny porch, and waited the ten or so minutes until she'd stopped, and then knocked on the door. She answered with puffy red eyes, and turned away quickly. He didn't say a word; he complained about the traffic and dished up the now lukewarm food. Reheating it in the microwave, he sat at the kitchen table. She ate in the front room, sitting on the couch.

The evening was televised nonsense and tension so thick it could be used as a blanket. Fred played with Timmy as he rolled about on the floor, while Sam sat in a chair and watched without comment.

Soon, Tim began getting fussy again, and Sam said it was time to feed him. Freddie helped with the food preparation while Sam told him that Timmy was now eating slightly more soft solids, and showed Freddie a bottle of something that resembled green sludge. Timmy gobbled the sludge up as fast as Freddie could get the spoon in his mouth. Sam began heating a bottle, while explaining that she had stopped breast feeding about ten days before, since 'new teeth and my boobs just weren't getting along.'

The evening went on as before for a bit, until the boy pooped and needed changing. Sam supervised, and chuckled, while Freddie did the clean up and changing… all the while making gagging noises. Soon, Timmy had fallen asleep. Freddie announced he was tired, stretched out on the couch and almost immediately feel asleep himself. Sam flicked off the television, and sat for a while looking at her sleeping husband… soon after, she went to bed herself.

Tim had started sleeping through the night about five weeks before, which made Sam's life a bit easier. The next morning though, she woke to voices coming from the kitchen. One, was her husbands, the others a laughing baby. She got up and padded out to the kitchen to find a huge mess with her son in the middle of it all. The baby had food everywhere… all over Freddie, the high chair, floor and table. Freddie was busily attempting to help Tim with the spoon, but failing. In the midst of all this, both of them were laughing like loons. Freddie noticed Sam was wearing an old shirt and gym shorts of his, but didn't say a thing about it.

He cleaned himself up a bit while saying; "I rummaged around in the fridge a bit, and found eggs and bacon and bread. I'll make us breakfast if you clean up the kid."

"Will you do the dishes too?" She prodded, smiling.

"Yep…" He grinned back.

After breakfast, Freddie announced he needed a few things, and had found a nearby 'Target' on his phone.

"…I'm going to run over there for a few things, anything you want?"

Sam gave him a short list of items, and watched him leave. She and the baby bathed together and had just finished getting ready for the day when she heard Freddie return. It looked like he had bought out half the store of baby 'stuff' and was happily going through it in the front room. He looked up from the pile he'd made, and smiled.

"You two look great! Fill the baby bag with whatever he'll need, grab the stroller I saw in the closet, and let's go to Knott's Berry Farm. They have a bunch of kiddy rides!"

Sam laughed at his excitement, and agreed. She noticed he'd purchased a front pack, disposable diapers, wipes and all manner of things for the excursion.

She found herself stepping back and watching the interaction between Freddie and Tim. They were having a ball… and, she was as well. She hadn't felt this good since she left. By the end of the day, they were exhausted.

Back at her apartment, after relaxing for a while, both of them saying nothing, she stood and headed into the kitchen remarking that she'd fix him dinner, if he wanted.

"Nope…" he said, and she suddenly felt devastated. She didn't know why, but she felt that she had just failed at something… something big.

"Nope, you're not making dinner… I'm worn out, and I know you are too… we'll order pizza. I picked up a couple six packs of beer this morning, and pizza and a beer sound great to me, how 'bout you?"

Sam turned and looked at him, sprawled on the couch, not even looking at her as he talked. He was flipping through his phone calling out the pizza places nearby that advertised delivery, waiting for her to pick one.

"…that one!" Sam said as he called out her favorite place. He pressed a button and ordered her favorite pizza… he didn't ask her what she wanted, he didn't need to ask… he already knew…

The next morning was a repeat of the previous, without the mess. Tim was still in his high chair while Freddie was mixing eggs in a bowl. He turned, smiled and cracked more eggs in the bowl.

"How about a ham and cheese and onion omelet?" He asked. She nodded her thanks and sat at the table and began playing with the baby.

"I had fun yesterday…" She said.

"Me too…" He replied.

"What are you doing, Freddie?"

"Um… making omelets?"

"No, I mean here… what are you doing here?" She pressed.

"I'm on vacation, Sam."

"Oh, yeah…" She said.

After a few minutes, he put a plate and silverware in front of her, and across from her. In a moment, he brought the frying pan over to the table and served them both with the omelets. He refreshed his coffee, and poured her a cup, then sat down to eat.

"Mel told me you bought a house." Sam said, glancing up at him.

"Yep, I did…"

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked.

"You weren't there, it was a great deal, and we could afford it… so I bought it."

Silence.

"So, is it big? Small?"

Freddie went on to explain the house to her, room by room, and what he had done to restore it. After the lengthy description, he pulled out his phone and showed her pictures of the house.

Silence.

Sam laughed.

"So, Mel tells me you figured out how to undress her without getting an eyeful when she's been drinking."

Freddie chuckled.

"Yeah, that took some figuring out… but I got it. But… how does she know that?" He mused.

"Oh, she told me she woke up one time when you were putting the shirt over her head and pretended to sleep until you were done. She was curious to see how you did it. I don't think I was supposed to tell you that." Sam replied grinning.

Freddie chuckled.

Silence.

Sam finished her omelet. Freddie looked over and asked her if she wanted the rest of his.

"I'm full…" He said as he slid it onto her plate.

They did nothing the rest of the day. They watched television, tended to the baby, and each of them dozed off more than once. Toward evening, Sam awoke leaning on Freddie, who had also dozed off.

She was surprised that he hadn't woken her up or pushed her off of him… but said nothing. She got up to check on Timmy, who was still sleeping in his crib.

He had left over pizza for dinner… she had left over Chinese.

Sam wasn't sleeping well. She had dozed on and off all night, but now she was wide awake… tired still, but awake. She heard Freddie get up and go into the bathroom. She looked at the bedside clock. Its green glow read 4:07. She got up, went to the front room and collected his blanket and pillow. He met her in the hallway, she said she knew the couch wasn't comfortable, and gently pushed him back into the bedroom.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

She pulled him into bed as her answer.

They slept.

Tim began to get fussy, and woke them both up at eight. Freddie began to get out of bed, but Sam stopped him.

"No, it's my turn to make breakfast. You rest; I'll feed the baby and call you when it's ready." She said.

He smiled, and laid back down.

After a bit, he could hear her opening and closing drawers in the bathroom and front room, then she stopped. He drifted back off to sleep. A while later she woke him, telling him breakfast was ready, his favorite, waffles. About halfway through the meal, he noticed she had put her wedding rings back on… he didn't comment.

Later that afternoon, Sam was sitting on the couch, and Freddie was lying on the floor, playing with Tim. Sam blurted out; "I know what you're doing…"

Freddie looked up at her, but didn't respond.

Sam stared at him for a moment, stood, and announced that she was going to take a nap. On her way to the bedroom, she knelt beside Freddie, and kissed him.

He responded to the kiss, but didn't follow her when she rose and walked away.

She awoke to her phone ringing. It was her sister… They chatted about Tim briefly, with Sam promising to email some pictures. Then Melanie asked; "…so when are you coming home, sis?"

"Mel, I don't know… soon I guess. Freddie and I have to get this divorce thing finished, and…"

"DIVORCE THING? YOU STILL WANT A DIVORCE?" Melanie yelled into the phone.

"Well… no, I don't. But I don't think he wants me…" Sam whispered.

"Samantha, you idiot… when did you become such a dolt. Why do you think he's there? Are you really that stupid?"

They chatted for a few more moments while Sam got up and walked out to the front of the apartment. On the counter was a note explaining that they had gone to the grocery store. Sam told her sister she had to hang up, and dialed Freddie's number. She asked if he was still at the store, he was…

"…grab a lighter while you're there." Sam said.

"A lighter? We're going to barbeque?" He queried.

"Yep, not today though." She said. She hung up the phone and made another call.

When they returned, she helped put away the items after putting Timmy down for his nap.

"Where's the lighter?" Sam asked looking through the bags.

"Here it is..." Freddie said handing it to her. "…it fell out of a bag so I stuck it in my pocket."

Sam nodded and set it on the counter, on top of the divorce papers. She took the pork chops Freddie had picked up and shooed him out of the kitchen… "…you never could do pork chops. They always ended up dry." She huffed.

After dinner, they did the dishes, watched some TV, bathed Tim and put him to bed. Freddie returned to the front room and flicked the television back on. Sam opened the sliding door drapes, opened the door and went out to the tiny patio, calling for Freddie to join her. He stood at the threshold. There was a single plastic chair and a small cast iron hibachi. Sam held the divorce papers up to show him, lit the lighter, and then the papers. She dropped them on the hibachi and watched them burn. She turned back to Freddie and said; "There… there's my answer. If you want a divorce, you can file for it yourself."

She began to walk back into the apartment when Freddie grabbed her by the arm, pushed her up against the wall, and kissed her.

After about ten minutes of getting 'reacquainted' she huffed into his ear; "We'll wake the baby in the bedroom… but the couch…"

The next morning, Freddie woke up and found himself alone in the apartment. Coffee was made, so he poured himself a cup and sat at the table, wondering. Soon, Sam returned. She smiled, put the baby in his high chair, pulled Freddie into a lust dusted, sloppy kiss, and sat across from him.

"You maniac! I can hardly walk this morning!" She said smiling. Freddie began to say something, but Sam held up her hand.

"Okay, I'm sorry, but this…" She waved her hand about indicating the apartment "…is over. I just gave my thirty days notice and paid the rent. I'm going to start packing stuff. The furniture is leased, I called them and the furn-a-rent outfit will be by to pick it up in about an hour and a half. You are going to take your rental car back and trade it for a mini van. We'll pack up the van and be out of here by three or four this afternoon. By midnight, we'll be in Sacramento… I've made motel reservations there. You're taking my sore but happy butt home. I want to see my new house… Mel says the closets are too small; we'll get some Antique English Armoire's for the bedrooms. I like the one's with the mirrors and some carving. I've also made some changes to the family business. We're no longer 'Benson & Benson'. Now we're Benson, Benson and Stevens. Tom's our new partner. He'll be by later this morning to pick up my car and drive it to Seattle. I'm the firm's secretary… I'll be at home taking calls and scheduling you guys. You and Tom can sit and watch cheating spouses and charge huge fees. Any questions?"

"I like Tom… good choice." Freddie smiled.

Sam nodded; "And, I'm cuttin' you off until we get home. We'd wake the baby in motel rooms anyway. You've got about three days to get rested up… Tim's going to need a sister in about a year or so, and you need to figure out how to make that happen." Sam said grinning.

Freddie leaned across the table, and kissed her.

* * *

_**fini**_

_**Benson & Benson**_

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